Later, while Tiger was sleeping he woke up to a sharp pain in his side. He tried to move around to see what was causing so much pain on his tail. He saw Anansi leaning up from stinging Tiger and soon Tiger lost control of his body and passed out. A few minutes later he woke up and realized he was tied to his mango tree and noticed Anansi was in his tree eating all his mangos. Tiger was curious why he wasn’t dead considering Anansi stung him, but Anansi told him he didn’t string him hard enough so he had to wake up to see Anansi eating his precious mangos.
Tiger began to get quite upset and struggled to break himself free. Anansi told him there was no use in trying because the knot was so tight an ant couldn’t even escape. Tiger noticed that this very old man walked by every day at the same time. Tiger would bribe the man with a mango to untie him. As Anansi sat and ate the fruit, Tiger thought about his plan and what he would do once he got out.
Anansi finished with his mangos and returned to his house. Tiger waited for the man to come by at his usual time. When he did, Tiger bribed him with the mango and the old, frail man agreed considering he was very hungry. The man untied Tiger and Tiger gave him his mango as promised. The man went on down the road and Tiger sat by his tree thinking of ways to get back at Anansi.
Later that night, Tiger was headed to Anansi’s house to take his revenge on Anansi when he noticed something strange. The man’s hat was outside Anansi’s house. Tiger rushed in, scared the man was going to be harmed. Tiger looked inside and saw the man dead on the floor. Anansi told Tiger that no one gets away with deceiving Anansi.
Tiger was so upset and couldn’t believe what Anansi had done. He wanted to kill Anansi for killing the sweet old man. One night when Anansi was sleeping Tiger came into his home and killed Anansi for taking that sweet, old man’s life. Tiger didn’t like what he had done but Anansi had hurt an innocent man.
Author’s Note: Jamaica Anansi Stories are written in African dialect that was a bit tricky to understand. They are very hard to understand and grasp what is going on, but I am going to try to retell the story as best I can in my own words. I didn’t use any of the dialect in my story even though I did find it interesting in the first one, but it made it hard to follow. I had to add some detail to add up for the parts I didn’t understand.
In the original story, Brer Tiger has a mango tree on his place. Anansi asks if he can buy a penny worth of mangos from Tiger. Tiger said no, but Anansi really wanted a mango so Anansi tricked Tiger into thinking that he needed to tie himself to the mango tree because a storm was coming. Once Tiger was tied up, Anansi climbed up the tree and ate some mangos. Many people walked by Tiger and he asked them to let him loose. No one agreed aexcept Mr. Duck. Anansi saw this go on and tricked them both into thinking Anansi was Mr. Duck's brother and when they found out he wasn't, they ran him out of the house. They let him in the house when they thought he was Mr. Duck's brother for tea.
The original names are hard to understand so I made it easier in my retelling of the story. I wrote my own story with a more modern tone. I think it makes it easier to follow and understand the story. My story differs from the original because I added more detail and extended the story a little. I added that Anansi tied up Tiger rather than the Tiger tied himself up like the original. I was confused what was going on in the original story so I added my own story where I was confused what was going on in the original. I hope you like the story and find it easy to read and follow along. I think my more modern way of telling the story will really help.
Bibliography: "Tying Tiger" by Martha Warren Beckwith, from Jamaica Anansi Stories (1924).
Tiger was so upset and couldn’t believe what Anansi had done. He wanted to kill Anansi for killing the sweet old man. One night when Anansi was sleeping Tiger came into his home and killed Anansi for taking that sweet, old man’s life. Tiger didn’t like what he had done but Anansi had hurt an innocent man.
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| Tiger's Mango Tree. Source: The Untextbook. |
In the original story, Brer Tiger has a mango tree on his place. Anansi asks if he can buy a penny worth of mangos from Tiger. Tiger said no, but Anansi really wanted a mango so Anansi tricked Tiger into thinking that he needed to tie himself to the mango tree because a storm was coming. Once Tiger was tied up, Anansi climbed up the tree and ate some mangos. Many people walked by Tiger and he asked them to let him loose. No one agreed aexcept Mr. Duck. Anansi saw this go on and tricked them both into thinking Anansi was Mr. Duck's brother and when they found out he wasn't, they ran him out of the house. They let him in the house when they thought he was Mr. Duck's brother for tea.
The original names are hard to understand so I made it easier in my retelling of the story. I wrote my own story with a more modern tone. I think it makes it easier to follow and understand the story. My story differs from the original because I added more detail and extended the story a little. I added that Anansi tied up Tiger rather than the Tiger tied himself up like the original. I was confused what was going on in the original story so I added my own story where I was confused what was going on in the original. I hope you like the story and find it easy to read and follow along. I think my more modern way of telling the story will really help.
Bibliography: "Tying Tiger" by Martha Warren Beckwith, from Jamaica Anansi Stories (1924).
Hi, Averey! I really liked your retelling. I read the Brer rabbit unit last week, and that african dialect is definitely tough to puzzle out! It seems like you did a good job, though, and your author's note was very helpful in making it clear that you filled in some gaps.
ReplyDeleteThere were a few typos, but other than that everything looked great! In the fourth paragraph you have "old, frail agreed", and I think you might have left the noun out. In the last line, you had "that one on go away", and I think you meant no one got away with. Those were the only things I noticed.
Good job!
Hello Averey,
ReplyDeleteThis was an interesting story. I think the way you told this story was easy to follow and I really like how you talked about mangoes. Mangoes are fantastic and always remind me of the Caribbean! Like Madison said there were a few typos that made it difficult to follow along. Specifically the last sentence in the last paragraph. I had to read it a couple of times to figure out what you meant, but other than that it was really good!
Hi Averey,
ReplyDeleteI really liked that you chose to retell the story in a way that was much easier to read than it was in originally. When a story is in a dialect that is so hard to understand, it feels like it takes away from the magic of the story itself. I think you did a great job of deciphering what the original story was trying to tell. The details you added also helped fill in the gaps. I also liked in your story that justice was served in the end for the wicked spider! I tried to read the original story and my mind could not even haha. So great job on that!
Maybe something I would like to suggest is to take a look at the formatting on the very last paragraph of your story since it doesn't match with the rest of your formatting. That's it!
Hey Averey!
ReplyDeleteI decided to take a look at your portfolio this week. I enjoyed reading this story! I also read some stories with the spider Anansi so it was nice to connect that to your storytelling. I feel like you did a good job telling the story. It was interesting to see how it would turn out and if the Tiger would really get his revenge!
There are just some small things that I wanted to point out. In the first paragraph, in the sentence that starts with "Anansi asked Tiger.." I think that the "is" should be changed to "if." Also in the third to last sentence of the first paragraph, I believe "to" should be changed to the word "too." Then, in the fifth paragraph you may want to reword that last sentence because it is a bit confusing.
Other than those things, I think you did a good job and I look forward to reading more!
First of all, check your labels: I think you are missing the storytelling label for your stories! I had to hunt down and try to find the latest story, which I hoped wass this?
ReplyDeleteThis was a really cool story! I liked the ending, it seemed to suit the story well. It also had a great amount of action.
I have some suggestions that I think will help!
First of all, I think you should make all the "Tiger told him" etc into actual diaglogue. So it would read something like:
"Can I have a mango?" Anansi asked.
The tiger was nervous as he replied, "No."
"But, they look so good," Anansi said. "Please?"
Something like that! Dialogue is a great storytelling technigue and can be more effective than paraphrashing. Just try it out!
Also, remember keep dialogue in seperate pages (like in my example.) Also look at my stories or any modern novel to see how dialogue works.
Another thing is that seperate topics should go with seperate paragraphs. It's good to vary the lengths of paragraphs. You can even make a paragrah one sentence long if it is an important point to make.
Finally, there was one typo: it said "quit upset" when I know you meant "quite upset." Anyways I hoped that helped!
Hello! I really enjoyed reading your sotry this week. I also thought it was funny how your story was about mangoes. I read this story I think and one of the things I pointed out about it that I like was the fact that there were mangoes involved! I love mangoes and they are one of my favorite fruits. Your background on your page is actually similar to that of a mango. Strangely, that had a unique and awesome imagery effect on me.
ReplyDeleteIn the first paragraph, towards the end you used "to" instead of "too". The sentence after is kind of an awkward run on. There were also several typos throughout, so just make sure you are proofreading for those!
I really enjoyed your storyline. Asnani tales are some of my favorites.. he really is the bad guy in all of them it seems!
One other thing, mid way through your story the font style change. I would like it to all look the same personally. That was the reader does not think that that paragraph is different or special or something. Good job though!
Hello Averery!
ReplyDeleteGreat story! Very unique storytelling strategy involving mangos! I really enjoy your writing style. The only thing I would say is to add more dialogue throughout the story. It was easy to read, but dialogue would have made it even easier. I read the Asnani tales and I really enjoyed them. Keep up the good work!
Hey Averey! I enjoyed reading your story. I think your modern retelling was much easier to read and more entertaining. The title of the story initially drew me in and I was not disappointed by what I found! I only have a few suggestions on how you could improve the story. I think it would be helpful to tell what kind of creature Asnani is within the story. I was picturing a snake the entire time and didn't realize I was wrong until I read the author's note. I think the way you described the old man and the tiger's feelings about him being killed was perfect. I think it would add a lot to the story if you had Tiger and the old man have a conversation in dialogue. Then we could get a better grasp on both of their personalities. I'm also curious to know who Tiger considers to be his friends? I think you did a good job and I look forward to reading more of your stories this semester!
ReplyDeleteYou did a good job at retelling this story. I did read the original so I don’t know how hard the dialect is to read but you made the story easy to read and follow along. It was good to add some details that the original didn’t add to help the readers know what was going on without having us read the original.
ReplyDeleteI didn’t see grammatical errors or confusing parts in the story, so you did a good job at editing. You also did well on the use of paragraphs and keeping the paragraphs to one thought. I thought you did a good job on making Anansi the antagonist. I really ended up hating him as the story progressed and was glad that Tiger got his revenge. Overall I think you did an excellent job and keep up the good work.
Hey Averey,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job at figuring out what the African story was talking about. This story does remind me of African heritage stories because of the mangos growing in that area, as well as the stinging spider. Sometimes it is very hard to decode the stories that are written in different dialects and you just have to take a plot that you think it might be and run with it, so great job! Thank you for changing the names to names that are more recognizable to modern times. So many times, people keep the names but then when I’m reading I spend so much time trying to figure out the name that I lose focus on the story. I also really liked your picture of the mango tree. I wish I could have seen a picture of the spider and Tiger to visual everything that was going on within the story. Great job!
Hi Avery,
ReplyDeleteYou did a really good job with this story. I tend to shy away from units that have stories with a heavy dialect. I get a bit frustrated when I have to read it a few times to figure out what they are saying. I tried it once this semester and it took up too much time. Horrible, but luckily, you're one of the brave ones. I admire that you took the time to get to know the original story, translate it (so to speak), and then tell a new story about the story for impatient people like myself. You also appeared to stay true to the cultural references. Seriously, I admire you for challenging yourself with this story.
I think grammatically, you've done really well too. I did not see anything that stood out as noticeably wrong. The conciseness and breakup of paragraphs was well thought out.
I think you have done a wonderful job with this story and I will check back in later in the semester to see how the rest of your portfolio develops. Good job! I truly enjoyed reading this story.
Hello there Avery!
ReplyDeleteI love that you added this story to your portfolio. I remember reading this story myself and loving it! I liked it because I'm a huge fan of mangoes. This might seem silly but it was just something different that made this story stand out to me. I also loved it because Asnani is one of my favorite characters to read about. He is so tricky and sly. Even though he is evil, his stories are really entertaining. And sure enough, yours was. I can tell that you pretty much stuck with the storyline but you added in some details. I think the changes you wrote made the story more clear.I would love to see more details and thoughts from the tiger about getting stung. I would like to feel the pain as the reader! Overall, great job and I would love to read more from you!