George and Damien walked into the front doors of their new school ready to start a great semester when George heard a commotion going on down the hallway. They were late to their first class because they were checking in with the principal. So George was surprised to hear anyone in the hall. When he ran down there, he found a small boy with thick-framed glasses being pushed around by one of the big football players. George assumed he was on the team by his big red and blue letterman jacket with a football patch on it.
George got down on the ground with them and started wrestling the football player off the innocent boy. Damien stood there and let his brother handle this one because he got suspended from their last school for fighting.
It took George longer than he thought but he finally got his hand in between the boy’s neck and the football player’s arm. He broke them up and asked why they were fighting. The football player walked away without answering the question.
The boy in the glasses said, “Thank you so much. I don’t know why he was beating me up, but I need to repay you."
George told the boy that he didn’t need to repay him. He was just glad the boy was OK. The boy insisted on repaying George with a lucky apple that the boy claimed would help George find true love. George took the apple to make the boy happy, but was very unsure if the boy's gift would actually work.
George went back down the hall to his brother and explained the strange encounter he just had with the boy. Damien took the apple to inspect it and didn’t believe the boy either. George threw the apple in his backpack because the boy was still watching and he didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
George and Damien continued to their classroom. When they walked in, George made eye contact with this beautiful blue-eyed brunette named Jamie. George knew at that moment he would fall in love with this girl and marry her. He thought to himself, “Maybe it’s just the apple making me crazy, but I am going to marry this girl.” For the next years George and Jamie dated and were as happy as ever. They were so in love and couldn’t wait to get married. Ten years later George and Jamie married and George would never forget that day that nerdy boy gave him the apple and changed his life forever.
George and Jamie had three children together. They grew old together. They loved each other every day for the rest of their long lives.
Author’s Note: I wrote this story after reading the story The Red Man and The Uktena. In the original story, there are two brothers. One day the one brother encounters a man being strangled by a snake. The man asks the brother for help and he shoots the snake, killing him. He saved the man’s life and he wanted to repay him. He repaid him with a medicine that would cure his brother and with an animal skin that would make him always be able to find game. I changed my story and made it about love. I thought it would be a good idea to keep the same theme from the original story, extend help and you will be rewarded, but to change the characters, plot and setting. So I made the story about two brothers starting a new high school. They save a boy from a bully and the boy repays the one brother with an apple that will help him find true love. The apple does help him find true love and he ends up marrying Jamie. I really enjoyed reading this story and writing my own interpretation. These stories were easy to understand and read and therefore it was easy to create my own story.
Bibliography: "The Red Man and The Uktena" by James Mooney, from Myths of the Cherokee (1900).
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| The Red Apple. |
The Red Apple.
Okay, I really like the story! My only main suggestion would be to add dialogue. I say this because you write like I do in a screenplay, in present tense with simplicity, because it helps for readability. One thing I struggle with is moving the story along with dialogue. That's all I suggest here. Add dialogue so it gives the story more of a connection with an audience. Think of it as the phrase, "I can't quite put my finger on it." Put the finger on it for the audience with more detailed conversation and story.
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